The Government blame many factors - none of which are them
The Government blame many factors - none of which are them

Government figures released today show a sharp rise in friends-with-benefits claims. The increase has been put down to people feeling frisky because of the hot weather, men lying to their mates, and Brexit.

A government spokesperson explained that this was a ‘perfect storm’ for friends-with-benefits claims and that once the weather got cooler, men stopped lying to their mates, and Brexit – things would return to normal.

Jeremy Corbyn was quick to criticise the government for what he saw as a lack of help for those that relied on friends-with-benefits. ‘In the past I’ve had to rely on friends-with-benefits, and let me tell you it is degrading for everyone involved’, he said.

Diane Abbott was unavailable for comment.